Hey! Welcome to Not So Supergirl! If you were interested in finding out a little bit more about me, you’ve come to the right place. The stories that have been written below are a snapshot of my life and the reason I write. It all began on a Wednesday night in January….
On January 19, 2005, I heard the song “Here I Am to Worship” on the K-Love radio station while driving back from a Wednesday night church service. After intently listening to the words and talking to my parents, I still didn’t fully understand what it meant when it said: “I’ll never know how much it cost to see my sin upon that cross”. My parents had tried to explain the unfathomable price that Jesus paid for me, but it wasn’t until that night that something deep inside of me finally clicked. I knew it was true. And I knew that this gift of love was not something I could ignore. I needed to make a decision. I remember bouncing up and down in my car seat and saying over and over, “I want to accept Jesus.” And I did. As soon as my family was back home, I sat on our plush green couch in our living room and prayed to receive Christ. Instantly, I was filled with the most incredible joy. The power of the Holy Spirit had entered my life and nothing was going to stop me from telling everyone I knew about Jesus. My next day back at my elementary school in Texas was an eventful one for my friends. It’s probably permanently etched in their memories. I shared the gospel fervently with each one of them. Over the course of the year, I would go out of my way to find other students I didn’t know so I could tell them about Christ. I remember practically forcing two kindergarten boys to pray to receive Christ because I so desperately wanted them to experience the joy I had experienced. I wanted to see them in heaven later. About a month later, on February 25, I was baptized. I had the privilege of being baptized by my dad. But after I swam out of that pool, my life spiraled into a swirling vortex of change.
When I heard the news that we’d be moving, I was devastated. Summer break had already started and I had promised all of my friends on that last day of school that I’d be back to see them next year. But God had other plans. My family sat in my grandparent’s sunroom on a short vacation to their house, and my parents revealed the news that broke my heart. “Girls, we feel like God has called us to a small Air-Force town in the south and your dad will be the campus minister for the local college.” It took a few seconds for reality to sink in. We were packing up, leaving our beautiful home in Texas, and going all the way to some remote city in the southeast. For an eight-year-old girl who had said “Goodbye! See you in 3rd grade!” to all her best friends, this news was not welcome. I sat on my daddy’s lap crying for a long time, asking him to give me a more substantial reason for moving across the United States other than “God told us so.” I never heard the voice of God telling me to move there. But no matter how many pleas I uttered or how many tears I shed, we loaded up a moving truck and packed the red van our family owned. I spent my 8th birthday riding in a car to the place that signified the total destruction of my previous life. Bitter was not a strong enough word to describe my emotions.
That fall, I started school at a private Christian church school where everyone knew everyone else, and I almost always felt left out. For the first time, I knew what it felt like to be alone. And I hated it. My loneliness was added to the list of accusations against God. I didn’t understand the point of why we were here. Maybe God had missed the memo about keeping me where I belonged. Maybe He had forgotten about me. Maybe He just didn’t care at all. For years after we moved I would cry myself to sleep. The times I was excluded deeply hurt me. It made a lasting impression on who I was. Because of it, I became withdrawn and insecure. I found refuge in books; so I hid behind them. Over time, I pushed my anger aside and devoted myself to making sure others felt welcome. Because of my experience, I knew what it felt like to be left out and alone and I vowed to do my best to make sure no one would feel alone while I was around.
Middle school brought about a lot of change in my life. Those insecurities I faced before came clawing back with renewed fervor. It was a very dark time, both emotionally and spiritually. My self-esteem plummeted and I constantly saw myself in a negative light. I ate the lies the Devil fed me about myself like candy, and before long, I was left with a massive stomachache. I felt ugly, worthless, and unlovable. Somewhere in the midst of all of it, I was reminded of something someone once told me. “In your darkest times, God is always there. Just pray to Him.” So I did. I started a prayer journal and I filled it with thoughts, insecurities, poems, stories, prayers. Everything imaginable. And before I knew it, I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. As I sought God, He showed me the truth about who I was. I belonged to Him. I was His child. I was a princess. I was loved. I was valued. I was created in His image. God never makes mistakes. I was able to drown out the lies of Satan with the voice of God, and when I did, my perception of who I was completely changed. I began to see myself as He saw me, not as the world did. Looking back, I am beyond grateful for that time in my life because of how much I learned. The road wasn’t easy, but the journey was worth it.
I wrote my first song “I’ll Pray for You” in middle school after seeing a picture of a man crying in front of an earthquake’s wreckage in my science book. I started a notebook of songs (I have close to 100 now), and continue to write more today. Songwriting became a way for me to both worship God through music and to express to Him what was on my heart. It continues to be important to me to this day. And it all began during this time. Music was just another reminder in my darkest times that I was not alone, and that God wanted to hear from me. Sometimes thoughts that were hard to put into words came spilling out of my mouth in lyrics and chords and things suddenly made sense. Yet even after writing several songs, I struggled with understanding why we had moved in the first place.
High school rolled around, and where most people were nervous, I was excited. It was something new, something exciting, an adventure that God and I were going to make it through together. I would put my trust and faith in him no matter what kind of rollercoaster ride I had just stepped onto. Slowly, I began to realize that part of the reason he put me where I was, was to give me something better and more fulfilling than what I had before. In the back of my mind, I knew it was also because I was supposed to impact lives of people in Valdosta and at my high school. One of my dad’s former interns had become a teacher at my high school. She was involved it FCA and encouraged me to join. I participated in FCA in middle school every so often, but I never really got into it. In spite of my misgivings, I gave it a try and ended up joining the Leadership team so I could have a greater opportunity to put my faith in action with people who were Christians and committed to leading others. At one point, I considered quitting the leadership because I didn’t feel like I had anything to offer. But God had other plans. He placed me where I needed to be at that time and through my experience, He clearly showed me that I was where I was because God had a plan for my life and the lives of the people I would meet. I finally understood.
I started college last fall. It has been an extraordinary journey. It’s not been an easy one, but it has been incredibly rewarding. Over this past year, I’ve had to learn to let go. For a long time, I found my identity in being the “campus minister’s daughter”. Along with that title came expectations and assumptions about my walk with Christ. Several times I found myself caught up in the reputation I had crafted. People would tell me I was knowledgeable or wise or mature and that became my reputation. And it wasn’t that I wasn’t those things, but when I came to college, I no longer had that reputation. Yet, I still tried to hide behind it. I allowed myself to become prideful in who I once was and I missed some opportunities to participate in becoming who God wanted me to become. I clung to my past, just like before.
If I am a pen, and God is always using me as the tool to write His story for my life, then I must learn how to move with the direction of his hand. It’s not easy to write with a pen that won’t move. And it’s hard to write what you want to with a pen that only wants to move backward. And, sometimes, if the pen is too eager to move forward, important things are left incomplete. I must move with Him. Sometimes that means letting go of a reputation and letting Him become my identity. It means forsaking pride and choosing humility, even when you don’t know how you’re going to be humbled. It means trusting in His time and his plans, even when they don’t seem to match your dreams. It means laying everything: your hopes, your dreams, your plans, and your expectations down at His feet and sacrificing them in order to gain something far greater. It means making the hard decision to let the desires of your heart match His desires for your heart. I have the easy task as a pen. If I am obedient and I submit to His leading, I don’t have to worry about the hard work of creating the story, I only have to participate in scribing the masterpiece He’s already planned. His thoughts are higher than my own. He is, after all, the Author. Because of His creativity, everything has its existence- including my story. But not just my story, yours too.
I started this blog in order to shine the light of Christ to the nations and to encourage other Christians to keep trusting God even when it’s hard. Through this blog, I’ve watched my faith grow in leaps and bounds. As I look back through the posts, I’ve seen the different areas that God has worked on in my heart to grow me into a person that’s like him. And it’s incredible. God’s not nearly finished with me yet, and I hope you’ll decide to come along on this journey with me as well. It’s not easy, but it’s oh so worth it.
Maybe you’re here after reading one of my posts because you wanted to find out more about this “Not So Supergirl”. Maybe you wanted some answers to your questions and when you googled them, my blog popped up. Whatever the reason, God has brought you here for a purpose. It wasn’t an accident. It wasn’t chance. It wasn’t even luck. If you don’t know Jesus as your Lord and Savior, but feel an unmistakable tug somewhere inside you that won’t go away no matter how much you try to ignore it; it might be time to have a talk with him and give him control of your life. If you would like to learn more about how to know Jesus as your Savior click here. If you have questions about God, Jesus, and your purpose click here. Maybe you have some questions about me and what I believe. If so, you can click here and see a complete list of the beliefs I hold regarding Jesus, God and Biblical truths. For some information about why this blog is called Not So Supergirl, click here. Thank you so much for stopping by my blog! I hope that you have been encouraged. If this site has blessed you in any way, let me know by following my blog, liking a post, or commenting.
Not So Supergirl